Don't Know Why
by ncfan
Summary: Why do they do it? Why do they go on missions when they know they're going to die? Requested by ivy-tsuta.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

Look at them, like I do. There they go beyond the gates, laughing and whistling and swinging their arms like they don't have a care in the world.

They're idiots, every last one of them.

When shinobi are told that the mission they're going on have only an infinitesimal expectation of survival, I think they must go into denial. They say that they're going to beat the odds, that no matter how bad it gets, they'll come back alive.

I know better.

Being a certified genius isn't always a good thing. Yeah, it's gotten me out of some pretty bad situations and I don't think I've ever had to study for a test before, but there's a downside to every upside.

I see the facts clearly, and I know the numbers are the only thing that's ever certain (For example, Mission A has been given to one hundred shinobi over the past three years and only seven have ever returned; none have ever completed the mission and it's sort of like a monster under the bed for most shinobi; they talk about it in bars, sharing horror stories about what happened to their comrades; I've heard my dad and his teammates talking about it late at night). The odds are always going to get you, one way or another.

If you're sent on a mission that no one's ever completed, odds are you're not going to finish either. If you're sent on a mission that no one's ever survived, odds are you're going to die. Accept it. My dad's always told me that the dangerous missions have to be run, but that's only if the people running it realize the risks they're running along with the mission, and are able to come to terms with it.

When shinobi go on suicide missions thinking it's going to be a walk in the park, they haven't accepted anything. They either haven't accepted the odds or just don't know them; they're sacrificial lambs who just don't know it yet. They're marching out to their deaths, and they're not going to see Death until it's ripping their souls out of their chests.

When shinobi go on suicide missions knowing what they're doing, it makes me mad. They're going out to meet Death having been pre-warned of the appointment, but it doesn't make me any happier. They accept that they're going to die, but they're trying to make themselves martyrs for the village. And that's useless.

They accept the missions without question. It makes me mad, because they're throwing their lives away at the drop of a hat. Even shinobi should place higher value on their lives than that; even shinobi should be more reluctant to accept a suicide run.

Every day people die. Every day our village's military grows smaller. It's a fact of life, but one I can't figure out. I watch these people go on missions that they know they won't ever be coming back from, and I can't figure out _why_. Why did they accept this mission? Why are they so willing to die for something that isn't tangible?

For the village? A pile of stones and wood formed into something recognizable. The village might not even be here in a year.

For the future? There is no future. The future's just a concept that doesn't work anymore, because thinking of the future implies that you have hope, and in the life of a shinobi, there is no hope.

For their families? It doesn't do their families any good if they die; a shinobi's pension is pitifully small.

For the _thrill_? That's idiotic. No one becomes a shinobi for the kicks.

There's nothing. There's no reason why someone would accept a suicide mission, or why they should. All the reasons someone immediately prescribes, those reason are worthless. They don't mean a thing, and all those who die in the line of duty, die for nothing.

That's what I ponder as I step outside the village walls, my teammates beside me.

Because I'm throwing my life away.

And I don't know why.

* * *

Okay, I think it's pretty obvious who was narrating that, but just in case, it was Shikamaru. This seems like something he would contemplate.


End file.
